Never Too Much Part One - To The Girl Who's "Too Loud"

Never Too Much - PART ONE

To the girls who’s “Too Loud”.

I hear you, hell, everyone does right? They can hear you on the other side of the world, right? At least that’s what my parents always told me. That’s what everyone always told me.

I’m a notoriously loud chick. I don’t notice it, and I’ve even had my ears checked to make sure my hearing is ok - it’s fine, by the way, I’m just a little loud.

I’m expressive, I’m pretty sure I was talking when I came out of the womb. I talked all through school to my peers, not realising that it was simply a fact of not being able to concentrate like the other kids. It got me kicked out of school.  I talked to my brother all night when we’d visit our family, it got me in trouble with my grandparents. And I would talk to fill any silence in the room, it got me in trouble with myself. It became something I was ashamed of, this inability to keep my mouth shut and being the loudest person in the room.

I’m going to say again what I said earlier - I didn’t know. I remember trying hard to shrink my voice at a retreat last year, the “problem” wasn’t that I was just loud, but also that I get extremely excited and speak without thinking about it, and believe me I never ever mean to upset people when I do. I remember trying to shrink my voice so many times, and being mad at myself for being too loud. Because I’m a loud person, I’ve offended people in my time. And I remember last year when it was so strongly pointed out to me that I wanted to run away, I didn’t want to be around people because I hurt them just be doing something I didn’t know how to switch off. It turned out the more I tried to fight my chatterbox behaviours, the worse they got. 

I decided to stop fighting it. I’m loud and I’m chatty, but I am also a great listener and understanding person when I take a beat, and that’s what I started doing. 

I started to accept that I don’t have “an indoor voice” like my brother says, and I started to realise that the universe, God, the divine, whatever you want to call it, gave me my voice as a gift. Words are my art and always have been, and now I use them to impact the lives of others. 

My words heal. I was told my whole life that I was too loud and I talked too much, but when I began to embrace it, it became my superpower. So for anyone who’s ever been told you’re too much of anything, you’re not. You are just enough.

Ashlie BramwellComment